My daughters are over this videoblogging fad.
The Because Why Not? by MICHAEL VERDI, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.
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32 Comments
LOL!
The good times are over. From now on you have to pay.
Yes.
Slowly but surely, we all eventually learn to hate cameras.
Gotta be an “aging” thing…
i think i got a few more years before my kids tell me to get the cam out of their face. at least, i hope so man.
if only ABC could see her now…
this is a moment everyone has to live
Ha! My oldest daughter (who’s also dancing in a Nutcracker thingie) always tells me to “put the camera down!”
I can relate
Wow. When did Lauren become a teenager? I missed that transition.
Yeah, they just want you to be like normal parents, who tape everything without stopping, and then throw the tapes in a box in the closet — never to be seen again. But you, you look that the tapes, and edit them, and then — put them on the internet where their friends can all see them. Ugh, Dad!
Why not? Wow indeed.
Because growing up as a young woman is already hard enough. Because they’re kids and deal with enough social pressure as it is. Because documenting your own past online is your choice - and you take away their agency by letting your parental whims follow them into their virtual (and tangible) futures. Because you don’t use a pseudonym. Because you don’t obtain consent - in fact, you seem to get the opposite. Because you’re supposed to set an example: when someone you love and respect says stop, in any situation, for any reason, you do.
My dad is a slumlord. When I was a kid, we’d go to collect money and he’d have me sit in the car and lock the doors while we went to “talk to clients”. If they saw that there was a kid in the car, there was less chance they’d kill him. I’d never trade that for this.
Dear Michael,
This little gem was honestly revlogged @ United Vloggers. To be more precise:
http://www.unitedvloggers.com/2007/11/27/because-why-not-2/
Thank you so much for your work and good heavens, what a lovely kids you have,
Kind Regards,
Michael Schaap
Why not? Well…
You were filming them clearly against their will, and one of them even asked you not to put this online.
I’m still grappling with my own privacy issues after doing this for almost 4 years now. I can’t imagine being forced to grapple with them at such a young age, and against my will.
Dunno about this one Verdi. I mean, it made me uncomfortable, which is usually pretty hard to do. Unless this was an elaborate ruse and they were in on it, playing their parts as the “reluctant minors”.
I realize that you are filtering, and it’s not like you have web cams set up in all rooms of your house streaming live video 24/7. But the point I’m trying to make is that if someone isn’t into being filmed, especially a minor, I’d say it’s best to let them have their privacy.
I didn’t expect you to delete comments, Verdi…
Watching your video this morning made me wildly uncomfortable and I almost could not finish watching. I was surprised to only see humorous and positive comments. The topic of privacy has come up before on our little online sandbox and I know there are more sides to it.
You deleted Brittany’s comment from earlier today and I’m wondering if you have deleted other comments that you do not agree with and if you do this on a regular basis? Brittany’s comment echoed my feelings exactly and I was surprised to see it deleted as it was civil and well-argued.
Now Quirk has commented along the same lines - will he and I receive the same treatment? Your actions don’t spell well for the open and transparent conversations (video)blogging supposedly fosters. You’re someone who has always spoken about the importance of these conversations.
This video made me uneasy and sad. I see no indication that your daughters are “in on it”. I only see two young girls who are being filmed and broadcast clearly against their will. The lack of respect for their wishes - from their father - was what made me so uncomfortable I almost could not finish. Had my parents done something similar when I was growing up, it would have scarred me for a long time. I do not know what goes on in your home, I can only judge based on what you let me see.
We are being forced by law to respect the privacy of any other person out there in the world. I can’t just go around and film anyone I like in any situation - especially not against their will. Children don’t have that kind of protection in their own homes, it is left to the parents to set up that shield. Should we not extend the same respect to our children as we do to any other person?
You guys are WAY off base.
http://blip.tv/file/get/MichaelVerdi-Response749.mp4
hmmmm…
Where to start? The saddest part of recent comments is how unaware people can be to the relationship of parents and teenagers. The nature of teenager is to not like just about anything their parents like. As a parent to one such teenager, I have learned to laugh it off and maintain faith, as I am sure my mother did before me, that she will one day come around.
Over the last three years many of you have seen Dylan grow from an girl who wanted to discuss her thoughts with the world into a beautiful teenager who from time to time will pop up in one of her dads or friends videos. When Lauren asked her dad to help her start videoblogging I was not at all surprised to see her talking about what was special to her. Thankfully they are both evolving, growing into their own and discovering new things to entertain them.
Some of your comments eluded to the relationship between Dylan, Lauren and their dad. Unfortunately you don’t have a clue. The video is not a reflection of a thoughtless, self centered father; its a reflection of father who could choose to post a video about anything else but he chose to post about his daughters. Daughters he has the utmost respect, pride and love for.
Michael knows what his boundries are when it comes to videoblogging in our household, please don’t assume you know what they are. Please don’t transfer your own childhood issues or sensationalize our teenager’s responses. This video is does not rob anyone of their privacy, its simply two girls who love their dad.
I love your family’s video response. I don’t have much more in me to comment in more detail tonight, but I thought your response said it all. Here’s to dads and daughters - daughters who think for themselves and dads who know how to let them.
Amen Verdi. Thought the comments were off base as well and I dug Dylan, Lauren and your response. I’ve gotten the same response from my daughter and my wife and others about my camera. It’s usually attributed to so much more than being “over exposed” on the internet or something. When your girls were telling you to stop, their words reminded me of those moments when daddy’s little girls are bothered by their dad. That’s it! Nothing uncomfortable about it. Could believe there was actually a debate about it.
I’ve known Michael Verdi before the word “videoblogging” was part of his everyday language, and I have seen him interact with his daughters for years. For the longest time I have always asked myself, “do they know how lucky they are? do they know that they’ve been given a gift of a father who will teach them so much about art, technology and truth?” and after getting to know Dylan before she was a teenager, I know that she does. Michael makes countless sacrifices everyday for those girls, giving up some of his principles and ideas on top of his time, energy and effort to make sure those girls have a smile on their faces, and I will never have a doubt in my mind that anything he does is without the upmost dedication to his girls. These comments are beyond me. I would have never fathomed that anyone would ever question his home life, but then again, so many have only known him as a pixelated moving image, only those girls can rightfully judge.
Please refer to my comment. I wasn’t making any assumptions about your home life. And as you mentioned, I hadn’t seen Brittany’s comment because it didn’t exist on this web site when I watched the video.
Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I don’t know “shit”. I know plenty about online privacy. That was the point I was trying to make, if you’ll refer to my comment. It wasn’t a mean-spirited “how dare you film your daughters and put them on the internet”, I just wondered why you would do so after they explicitly asked you not to.
I’ll repeat what I said in my first comment, the point I’m trying to make is that if someone isn’t into being filmed, especially a minor, I’d say it’s best to let them have their privacy.
But what do I know? Shit, evidently.
Hey Bro, et al,
Loved the video. The girls are awesome.
To all those that have an issue…If your parents had put the camera away every time you showed any resistance at all, how many fewer memories would their be of your childhood? What teenager/young adult doesn’t try to hide form the camera from time to time? I for one have never met anyone who was scarred for life or had to go therapy, or had issues to deal with because their parents showed them love and attention and made attempts to capture their existence on film. On the contrary, people have issues when they don’t get attention, when they don’t know they are the center for their parents’ world and when they go into the family albums and as they are thumbing through the pages have to sit there and wonder…”why in the hell are their no pictures of me”
it’s strange4U
funny shit. and your video response is even better.
Well, to Joe’s point, I was that kid. I freaked the fuck out when my Mom took pictures of me. But she did, and I’m glad she did because I was a damn cute kid. If, however, she would have taken those pictures and put them in the newspaper, every week for say, a year, I would probably have some kind of complex and be on some serious meds at this point.
Again, this wasn’t my original point. But since you bring it up, yeah, I think it’s pretty fucking weird to do this to your child.
And yeah Proctor, I agree it’s cool to let your daughter make her own decisions. That time should definitely come. But maybe wait until she can understand the full ramifications of that decision. I’m not sure how old Lauren was when Michael started putting her online, but I doubt she understood the pros and cons of self-publicizing your life to thousands of strangers.
Quirk (and others) - I totally understand what you’re saying and you make some good points about kids needing a maturity level to make decisions about this kind of thing - and how it can be traumatic for a parent to keep a camera trained on them all the time (I have friends who underwent that kind of treatment with Super 8 home movies!). What I’m responding to here, I think, is what likely happened off-camera - a kind of understanding and permission on the part of the kids to post videos of themselves online, even if on-camera they were resistant. And the resistance I see in the video is more of a grouchy, “aw dad, not now!” kind of annoyed attitude, not a retreat or fleeing from the view of the camera. In other words, it does seem to me that this video is a collaboration between father and daughters that captures their relationship (both the creation of the video and the posting of it online), rather than a father exerting power or control over his children’s images and privacy.
I wish my parents had given me that much attention when I was growing up!. I used to love taping things, and recording life experiences as far back as I can remember - still doing it now like u. I film my kids alot too and would love to share more about them but because they are much younger I only have put a few up for close friends that my 5 year old ‘knows’ about and is ok with, but that is because he still very young. As your girls are older than my kids and have participated before it’s a very ‘honest’ view and in no way exploiting them in my opinion, they clearly are making u look like most kids make their Dads look like at that age
Btw you have a very intelligent and supportive wife - a good example of quality family life - This blog comes across as very honest whatever people think, and your children are being raised to have a mind of their own which as a parent also I say ‘damn good job’ - well done to all of you - being a perfect parent just doesn’t exist, and at least you have alot of fun and quality time together.
kirsty
What bothers me the most is this karma police feeling I´m getting. For all I know the people commenting here are well intentioned, and worried about right issues. But where does this end? Shutting the doors and windows that we tried to open with videoblogging? You saw the video, but you definitelly didn´t SEE it… will my kid be traumatised? Will his sister/brother? Nah… just annoied.
Oh yeah, kiss and make up. Please.
I’m glad that you have re-approved Brittany’s comment. However the the question is why you decided to delete (unapprove, whatever, same difference) it in the first place and didn’t bring it back until you were called on it? Why hers and not Quirk’s or mine?
You are absolute correct: I am not a parent. I was however a child growing up in this age where broadcasting media is available to anyone, unlike you. I also happen to have studied the role of media in our western culture for the past 6 years. Telling me “you don’t know shit” accomplishes nothing. It is condescending and pointless.
No, Quirk and Brittany and I know plenty about online privacy, online identity, mediated verbal and non-verbal communication, and the role of media in our society. I also have a functioning brain. One thing that sets us humans apart from all other species is the ability to think in abstractions - while I don’t have any children, I can still know many things about having children and more specifically, being one. Saying “I don’t know shit” is the same as calling me a chimpanzee and that’s insulting.
I also know an ad hominem argument when I see one. Brittany, Quirk and I all shared our feelings as we watched your video. We said that it made us uncomfortable and we said why it made us uncomfortable. Those carry no assumptions about your family. We don’t know your family, we only see what you choose to show us. This time that made us uncomfortable. If you feel we are devaluating the relationships in your family then it is you who are jumping to conclusions.
Your reaction has been uncalled for. Accusations about making “assumptions”, about projecting own childhood problems - even going so far as to tell Brittany in a private email that she has “personal issues with your father”? That’s a dictionary definition of hypocrisy, not to mention rude and assumptive on your own part (and as someone who knows both Brittany and her father, completely incorrect. It is a grossly inaccurate interpretation of a humorous anecdote). Is this openness? Would you have said that to her face? If not, why did you choose to write it to her?
I wrote my first questions with the intention of having a debate about online identity of minors and the role of parents. Brittany and Quirk did the same. You have not entered into that conversation. Do you not want to talk about these issues? If not, that’s fine, but at least come out and say that instead of responding with condescension and hypocrisy.
Andreas - I’ll have to respond in depth later but for now…
The bottom line is that you guys totally got the video wrong - my wife and daughters love this video. What’s more, that you automatically assumed that I would do something as nasty as force my children to have video of them that they did not want posted on the internet is completely insulting. Where have you been for the last 3 years? Why would you think I’d do that? Do you go around harassing all the other parents who put up video of their children online?
As for being emotional and personal… It was Brittany who said that what I’d done was worse than what her slumlord father had done to her. Give me a break. That’s why I took the comment off and emailed her. It was my wife and daughters who wanted to put it back up because they were so incensed and wanted to respond in public.
I said I would prefer that my parents’ mistakes not follow me, via an imposed virtual identity, without my consent, into adulthood. It’s too bad you don’t know that I speak in metaphors and that you could not properly interpret this one. Parents and kids make mistakes, and I’m glad mine and theirs aren’t documented this way. That was never an overarching judgment about you or your parenting style - that’s about how I feel. When I look back on childhood experiences that I later realized didn’t seem fair or right, I have the opportunity to handle that privately. When I see children who seem upset about being documented and publicized in any way, it bothers me. Without context, that’s what I, along with others, saw here.
I have civil conversations with other parents who post video of their children online (including some who have removed it from the Internet over time) because I myself have experienced a tremendous amount of unwarranted harassment on- and offline and find that type of behavior unacceptable. I apologize that you felt that way. With other folks, I have pleasant conversations because we’ve built relationships. You and I have never tried to do that - a fault of ours collectively, if you’d call it that - so here we are. I misunderstood your video, you misunderstood my entire comment and its intention, and instead of deescalating an unfortunate situation, you did the opposite, publicly and privately.
I suspect we will never have this conversation in person the way we will here, and that is too bad. I nevertheless hope you continue to want to talk about the larger issues at hand because they are important and real.
hmmmm, I watched this video this morning on my zen and I thought it was funny. Why? Because I have kids, 2 kids, well they are adults now 22 and 20. And I remember “those” times. I didn’t see anything wrong with the video, I didn’t see kids being hurt, I saw 2 kids having a moment with their father. And regardless what anyone without kids think, you do gain a bit of perspective having them and raising them and being with them 24, 7. You know what the boundaries are and you respect them. (well most do, based on some comments maybe those parents didn’t) but having wathed Michael for 2 years now, I have never gotten the feeling he didn’t respect his kids feelings or boundaries. What’s interesting is that my wife read these comments before she watched the video and after she watched it she was like “based on the comments I thought it was going to be bad”, she saw nothing wrong either….
People watch videos through their own filter and the world is full of opinions. I can understand why Michael was a bit upset based on the comments, heck I felt like they were uncalled for and it’s not even my video. But some seemed harsh, but as I have learned all to well you can’t please everyone….so Michael, keep on vlogging…..
The very first thing that came to my mind when I watched the video, other than how beautiful my granddaughters are, was that I had seen those looks before, many times, from both Michael and his brother Joe. I vividly remember making the same faces at my mother when I was Dylan and Lauren age. As a matter of fact, my husband and my boss get “the look” from me all the time. I thought the video was beautiful and funny.
I do have a lot to say about your detractors, but I think Rebecca and Joe said most of it and in a lot better language than I would have used.
Michael and Joe were raised by single parents. I know I made a lot of mistakes raising them, but they seemed to have learned from them. They are both much better parents than I and I am very proud of them.
To those of who thought this video was inappropriate, intrusive, scary, etc., lighten up. No way in the world would I have thought any of those things and I was shocked when I read them.
All right, here’s my two cents.
My daughter calls me “the camera freak.”
My two kids aren’t yet to the age where they are “moooOOMMMM!!” but I’m sure it’s coming up soon. There have been several times that I have videoed something that my daughter said “please don’t put on your vlog,” and I have obliged.
That being said, I have met Michael and his daughters, and as others have said, he loves them very much, and that is evident when you see them together.
This moment, at least to me, is a moment of parental love, doting on a period of time in their lives that will soon have passed by. There is nothing alarming, degrading, or harassing in this video to me.
Now, if Michael had filmed her dancing, then she said afterwards “Dad PLEASE don’t put that on the internet,” I wouldn’t expect to see it here… and I’m sure I wouldn’t. But that’s just a hypothetical situation. And I would hope a situation like that (and I’m pretty sure it would, knowing Michael) would bring forth a short, high-level conversation with his kids about getting people’s permission before posting videos.
Even with adult friends of mine, I get permission before posting videos of them to their vlog.
Carry on, people. There’s much more serious conflicts in the media community right now to argue about.
- Susan
I think that some well meaning people just disagree with putting videos, or photos even, of children online at all. That being said, I’m not sure that this discussion has anything to do with this particular video in itself, but rather the whole issue. People will always be on opposite sides of it. Only Verdi and his family know what was going on in this video… and I honestly don’t think he would have posted it if he thought for a second that it would hurt his daughters. Just because you don’t agree with someone’s decision to put their children online, doesn’t give you the right to make assumptions. I think there are a lot of great reasons to have a vlog that includes your whole family. I also think we should be able to have a healthy discussion about this without criticizing someone’s parenting. Just my 2 cents. I don’t usually like to jump in to these discussions… so please be nice to me
Brittany - I appreciate your response, however, I have a few things to clear up. I don’t believe I misunderstood your earlier comment at all. You said, “Because documenting your own past online is your choice - and you take away their agency by letting your parental whims follow them into their virtual (and tangible) futures.” I totally understand that and I would certainly say that because you wrote it in response to this video you are accusing me of doing exactly that with the video - imposing a virtual identity on my daughters without their consent. That’s simply not true.
You said, “Because you don’t use a pseudonym. Because you don’t obtain consent - in fact, you seem to get the opposite. Because you’re supposed to set an example: when someone you love and respect says stop, in any situation, for any reason, you do.” Again, you are directly commenting on my actions as a parent. How are these things not “an overarching judgment about you or your parenting style?”
“Without context, that’s what I, along with others, saw here.” This is something that both you and Andreas brought up. The thing is, you’ve both been part of the videoblogging email list for a while now and you are both avid bloggers/videobloggers and you know that the context in the case of someone’s personal videoblog is the whole work. In this case it’s hours of video. I know neither of you have seen anywhere near all of these videos but I’m sure, especially where Dylan is concerned, that you’ve seen enough to have some kind of context for this video. You can’t argue that it’s “without context.”
And the thing that was just over the top for me was this - “My dad is a slumlord. When I was a kid, we’d go to collect money and he’d have me sit in the car and lock the doors while we went to “talk to clients”. If they saw that there was a kid in the car, there was less chance they’d kill him. I’d never trade that for this.” In other words you never trade the experience of having your father use you as a human shield for the experience that I’d just subjected my daughters too. That, to me, is insulting. And you wonder why I wasn’t civil? That’s why I took your comment down and emailed you - I didn’t think it was something we had to discuss in public. It just seemed to me that you came by blog and unleashed a personal attack.
Andreas, you said, “I wrote my first questions with the intention of having a debate about online identity of minors and the role of parents. Brittany and Quirk did the same. You have not entered into that conversation. Do you not want to talk about these issues? If not, that’s fine, but at least come out and say that instead of responding with condescension and hypocrisy.”
In the past I’ve certainly made videos that I hoped would start a discussion. I can tell you without a doubt that this was not one of them. Like I always try to do when posting videos of my family, I look for moments that capture something we’d like to remember and, I hope, contain a little bit of truth that others will recognize in their own lives. I think I got a tiny, true piece of a father-daughter relationship here. That’s all I was trying to do. I didn’t make this to start a “debate about online identity of minors and the role of parents.” You guys were the ones who came over here and dumped that pile of shit in the middle of my blog (btw, that’s my metaphor for your actions). I didn’t invite this “debate” and I guess that’s why I reacted with condescension (like I’m doing now). So, my suggestion to you is that, if you’d like to have a debate, maybe you should blog about it on your own site. Or if you’re really committed to having a conversation (since you don’t allow comments on your blog) you should take it over to the videoblogging email list where there are influential people (many of whom are apparently scarring their children for life) who might care to debate you. As for this forum, it’s now closed.
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